Day 1 of FAST......and etc....

these are just random thoughts as usual

I officially started my fast on Friday at midnight and am now going through the second day. One thing that stands out as a result is how much I always depend on food to kill boredom. This fast is rough (I never heard anyone say it was all pink ribbons and ice cream) but the willpower needs to be worked and the digestive system really needs a rest. I want to be able to keep up with folks half my age - haha.....

I'm still on my hiatus and I made great strides because of it. As a pianist, I feel that I have grown tremendously. Maybe it's because I tend to take in information slowly, and with the lack of overstimulation from others telling me how to play MY INSTRUMENT without any knowledge of my experience, I'm free to actually DO MUSIC (not just go through the motions to please others.) I miss the individual folks on the scene and I support you all in spirit, but I DO NOT MISS THE SCENE AT ALL. But I'll be back on it, and folks can bet that it will be some fresh stuff.

This is the first day of me being 30. The strange thing is that I don't feel it, but maybe that's just me. A lot of folks my age are (or were) married with kids and are settled into what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Not saying that this kind of life is better or worse, but it's not my thing. Probably the marriage part, but it has to be with the RIGHT PERSON. The RIGHT PERSON is someone whose temperament is compatible with mine. It's like if she's boiling water, I can be ice-cold, and together we will make a nice relaxing bath. Or she's the same temperature as I am and we combine our resources to have more of what we had as individuals. TEMPERAMENT is the key word; a lot of folks (especially you vain women out there) fail to realize that there are some guys out there who could care less about how hot you are if you are all chaotic inside. There are a few women I know (I can probably count all of them on two or three fingers) who may be very physically attractive but what really matters is their aura. What's your outlook on life? How do you live IN THE MOMENT? Do you have an Icarus complex (always reaching for impossible goals and becoming crabby when you fail)?

Anyway, I'm composing less and transcribing more. It seems that when I first started learning jazz, I jumped into the theory first without actually practicing the PERFORMANCE aspect of it. Yes I know how to spell a BSusb9 chord, but I also know how to spell NEUROSURGERY. That doesn't make me a competent NEUROSURGEON, does it? So all I'm doing for practice is transcribing (which means I'm basically playing along with recordings and writing the notes down ONLY after I've absorbed the music enough to write it from memory.)

stay tuned.....

The Icarus Complex

definition of Icarus Complex (from TheFreeDictionary.com):

"A constellation of mental conflicts, the degree of which reflects the imbalance between a person's desire for success, achievement, or material goods, and the ability to achieve those goals; the greater the gap between the idealized goal and reality, the greater the likelihood of failure."

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Sometimes I tend to put all of my eggs in one basket instead of filling up the basket with a reasonable amount of eggs that is manageable for the time being.

Long time no hear from.......

It's been a while since I posted a blog on here. I have been posting random things on Myspace but I usually post my various musings on here. That's the reason why this particular blog exists; I want to be able to just post things that I care to share with the World Wide Web that's mainly based on whatever stream-of-conscious stuff I may be on at the moment.

We have a new president. Some voted for change. Some voted for a bronze statue that exists only to be looked at and admired instead of being a real human being that bleeds like the rest of us. All I can say that we all need to be both supportive and realistic about the the next four (or eight) years if we really want things to start moving. That means going beyond the thinking that being politically active means casting a vote and that's it.

I rarely discuss relationship issues online, but I do have to say this:

I don't understand why certain females like to complain about the superficiality of the guys they usually date and complain that there aren't any "good" men around. These females are like "oh I don't care about this and that, looks, $$$$$$, and whatever" and claim to want the guy who is the opposite of all those materialistic dudes they are used to being with. Yet they find themselves dating the same guys over and over and over and over and over

and over

and over

and over......

and complain about how "all men are dogs"

I wish I had the energy right now to go to Photoshop and draw up a diagram that shows the cycle
of this. I may be off, but I have a feeling that the supposedly "good guys" that you are looking for may see this cycle and may be turned off by the complaining. Do you really want this "good guy" or do you just want to hear yourself complain?

Personally I think folks have their priorities twisted on this whole "relationship" thing. To me, relationships are not limited to romantic ones; there is your relationship to your family, your buddies, fellow workers, your job, your environment, and etc. I have a relationship with the piano (I am a pianist if you haven't been checking....) If I treated my relationship to the piano the same as how some folks tend to treat romantic relationships; I would expect every single piano I come in contact with to be a certain kind of Steinway with a certain action and everything that is perfect (whatever "perfect means.) If my perfect Steinway gets damaged in any way that causes it to be not so perfect anymore, I'll just ditch it in order to find the next perfect Steinway that is just like the last one. All of this time and energy that gets wasted looking and being finicky about finding "the one" could be put into creating music for real. To me, the music is more important than the vehicle; only when we are in a position to request that "perfect Steinway" and get it at a snap (or even roll with our piano like Horowitz use to do) should we focus on anything closely resembling "the one."

I've been reading and practicing a lot. Seems like I get a lot more done when I teach myself. Maybe that's the problem with the teacher-student relationship (there's that "relationship" word again); both of you have to have an understanding of each other and know each other's strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. The latter is usually overlooked because traditional education usually requires the student to conform his or her circular peg into the square-shaped hole of so-called "excellence." Some students may be terrible when it comes with letters and words but are genius when it comes to expressing themselves with sound or pictures, and vice-versa. Even in music some folks may hear colors, shapes, novels, poems, or anything. But unless this is understood beforehand, people will continue to slack off when it comes to being educated. I used to think that I was a slow learner because I couldn't pick things up as easily as others around me. I guess I still am a slow learner but at least I'm not blaming myself for not picking things up fast like so-and-so over there.

Remember Aesop's fable about the hare and the tortoise? Imagine if the tortoise trying to run the race like the hare......

There's more to come....