Deconstruction/reconstruction

As a musician, I really love what I do and will never dream of giving it all up. But sometimes I feel that I just have to stop everything and just let things marinate. I realize that I had to work a little harder than what seems to be the norm because of me being a late-bloomer (starting piano at age 19.)

I have come a long way to realize that the euphoria and depression involved with being an artist can really get to a person if they aren't centered as a human being. Sometimes I feel that I get so wrapped up in trying to be better than I am already that I end up hating my own playing, not realizing that I am blessed to even have the ability to do music in the first place.

This and other things (see other posts below) are keeping me one step away from having a nervous breakdown. I've flipped a couple times before over the same things and had to take a break just to sort out the B.S. in my life. If I have to take a couple of months or a year to get back into performing and networking with fellow musicians in Richmond, so be it. I'd rather do that than let the bitterness get to me and cause me to give everything up. That's suicide, and suicide isn't cool (at least to me.)