Fasting, reflections, etc....

Right now I'm on the third day of a water fast. I always thought about doing it but never had the nerve to do it until recently (check out the previous blog postings to see what I have been dealing with throughout December.) Before I attempted to fast I researched it on the Web as thoroughly as possible, and I was impressed by the benefits that many water fasters claimed to receive. I feel a lot of physical, mental, and emotional toxic waste coming out, and believe me it's rough. But I feel that the fast will be well worth it in the long run, so I'm just standing strong.

The mental and emotional toxic waste that is being cleansed out of my system was the main reason why I chose to fast in the first place. Recently a close friend that I care about a lot has basically drifted off all of a sudden with no initial explanation. After numerous attempts to contact the friend just to see what was up, I began to become really frustrated. When I finally got in contact, we got into an argument and the friend accused me of intruding on h** life. Being a stubborn person who has learned after many extreme trials in life to be empathic to others, I felt as if that friend was putting up a shield around h** heart and just up and abandoned h** own personal goals just to cater to the goals that others had for h**.

I'm blessed (or cursed, depending on who's judging) when it comes to really listening to people I'm close to. I basically remember a lot of things, and at first I used to call someone out to spite them when they contradict themselves. Now I learned to listen even deeper, and the things I listen to now are not just the words but everything else underneath (including the person's shortcomings, intentions, and etc.) During our entire friendship my friend and I have shared our issues and passions and because of this I felt for the first time in my life that there was someone out there besides some family members who was willing to get beneath the surface and see the real Donald Crawford. I'm not the type of person who has a lot of close friends and believe that even having just one close friend is worth more than having several flaky cats around who tries to use you to benefit their ego.

Anyway, I wish the best for my friend but really hope that my friend doesn't continue to mistake me shooting flowers at h** heart for arrows. Yes my friend is supposedly happy now (at the expense of a lot of things that I won't get into besides what was already mentioned), but I keep forgetting that yes we are all human. I'm happy for my friend's being, but my stubborn side forbids me to be passive about my friend being fooled into thinking that sacrificing h** own self-reliance in order to follow other people around is the way to go.

But time will tell. I know it's wishful thinking, but I can see us becoming closer after this phase goes away (and hopefully it will.) Maybe this abandonment is my friend's idea of fasting in order to return to what really matters. If this is true, then I can give 100% support.

to be continued........